My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize