So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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