she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
