My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
