Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize