He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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