She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
