dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Houston, we have a blender
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
