i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
