I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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