If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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