I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
