is your mom at the bar?
Will you blow on my dice?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
