Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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