Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
