Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
