The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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