well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
