Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
