check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
