FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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