I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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