to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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