ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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