I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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