Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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