Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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