the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
