Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
