mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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