I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
