I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
