I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize