She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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