i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
