There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
