Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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