Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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