I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
