I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
