So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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