Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
