I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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