i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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