drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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