with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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