Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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