I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
