did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
