Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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