He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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