I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
