we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
