Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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