hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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