How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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