Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
